Netflix, Jessica Jones, and the Female Character Conundrum

I anticipate getting in trouble for this post . . .

I love Netflix.  And I love superheroes.  When I first got the news that Marvel was going to be releasing some Netflix-exclusive series featuring some of their characters, I got really excited.  

And then it came - Daredevil, in all of it's glory.  I absolutely loved the series.  I watched the whole thing in about three days, which is hard to do with four kids running around and working eleven hours a day.  In fact, just before the release of Daredevil, I had done a broadcast of Raging Sanity Radio (Raging Sanity Radio on Facebook) talking about the sexualization of culture and media.  Imagine how delighted I was to be able to watch the series that, although rated TV-MA, was largely lacking in sexual content.  Needless to say, when I saw that Jessica Jones was getting ready to drop, I was expecting the sexual content to be similar.

I was wrong.

Now, I'm not the morality police (for the purposes of this article); I recognize that people have the right to create anything they want to.  I enjoy my religious freedom in this great country of ours, and I recognize that it's hard for me to have religious freedom and then preach that we have to subdue the liberties of others.  That being said, however, I was still disappointed with the amount of sexual content in Jessica Jones.  

I also recognize that the two series have been written by two different sets of people, and that the relationship between Jessica Jones and Luke Cage is central to their stories in the Marvel Universe.  I get all of that.  I'm still disappointed.  Here's why:

One of the most common complaints among feminist media watchdogs is how sexualized women are in all forms of media: print, advertising, television, film, even video games.  To that point, it seems like something that would raise a red flag, having a female superhero whose sexual exploits receive a decent amount of screentime (in typical Netflix fashion, which is all of the intense grunting and motion with a reduced amount of skin) after having had a male superhero series where there is little to no sexual content, especially not involving the main character. I'm confused.

Don't get me wrong: I'm not saying that women don't have sex drives or anything along those lines.  My confusion stems from the fact that strong female characters, which Jessica Jones definitely is, are often portrayed as extremely sexually active, almost like it's a requirement for a strong female character to have to get some.  And they don't just do it to Jessica - all 3 of the main female characters have been subjected to the same treatment.

Furthermore, it seems that there exist some differing opinions among feminists when it comes to the portrayal of women in media: while there are those who would say that women are overly sexualized in media, there are also those who have an issue with repressing women and their sexuality, and feel that media is a means for demonstrating how sexual women can and should be.

Listen: there are a lot of things that I really like about the series; the music, the lighting, the blue/gray motif (it really is a beautiful show to watch, aesthetically).  I'm just asking the question in case nobody else has: did she have to be made into a sex symbol, and was it done just because she's a strong female character?

If you know the answer to this question, you let me know (christianmusicdiscovery@gmail.com).

Here's a link to download the radio broadcast that I mentioned at the beginning of the post (I apologize in advance for the commercials):

Raging Sanity Radio, May 9, 2015

It's The Second Look That Gets You (a message for men)

I get it: 

You’re a guy.  You like women.  It’s natural, and it almost goes without saying. 

You notice women.  It’s hardwired into your physiology.  You can’t help it. Your wife just doesn’t get it . . . and so on, and so forth.

I understand.  As a matter of fact, I’m going to say that I understand better than you think I do.  Those of you who know me personally would probably say I’m pretty tame in terms of keeping my eyes and hands where they’re supposed to be at all times.  The truth is, however, that I’m more like you than you know, and for that reason, I’m here to help.

(momentary awkward silence)

So, what are we actually talking about, here?  We’re talking about the tendency of men to let their eyes wander, and how that tendency leads to other, less savory tendencies. 

Now, women are beautiful, and God made them that way.  We, as men, are generally a sight-oriented group, so we notice the beauty in the women God made.  It’s the way the system was designed to work. 

So, where do we go wrong?  How do we end up taking normal physical desires and turning them into something ungodly?  Usually, it’s the second look.

I was invited to teach at a youth conference several years back, and while I was there, I had the opportunity to do a question and answer with the youth on a panel with the other speakers from the conference.  I remember we had to “encourage” them with some examples so that they would know that no question was off limits, and after mentioning masturbation, one of the young men boldly yelled out, “So, what’s actually wrong with it?”

I applaud that young man for the courage it took to ask that question in front of a room full of his peers, and it kind of reflects the attitude that most of us either have now or have had at some point: What is wrong with “it?”  And “it” isn’t just masturbation; it can be hook-ups, porn, prostitution, or anything else along those lines. 

Being as I was the foremost expert in the room (as a many-times-relapsed recovering masturbation and porn addict), my response was simple (paraphrased here): “Jesus said that if you even look at a woman with lust in your heart, you’ve committed adultery with that person.  Last I checked, it’s pretty hard to masturbate without lusting after something.”

And that was pretty much the end of that . . .

All of the things that qualify as “it” involve a lust that starts in the heart, and lust after anything, not just women, starts with longing for something.  Now, does that mean that desire is bad?  No, and I would be remiss not to recognize that we are all built with certain desires, that they are hardwired into our nature.  We also deal with some desires that result from our upbringing.  Some examples:

·         Children who relocate a lot often become adults to crave stability

·         Children who are abused often become adults who crave affection (in a “take it from whomever I can get it” kind of way)

·         Children who grow up sheltered often become adults to crave new thrills (that “I’ve got a lot of catching up to do” kind of freedom)

None of these desires are bad in and of themselves, but they can become desires that control us. 

I’m going to tell you this, in case you did not know: your desires should never control YOU.  You wanna know what it’s called when a desires control you?  Addiction . . .

And that is ultimately the point of this article: the second look, the second thought, they all tend toward addiction.  Now, you might say, “Is it possible to be addicted to desire?” or, “What the hell is wrong with being addicted to women or sex?”  Ask a sex addict, and they’ll tell you.

And if we’re honest with ourselves, a great portion of our society is addicted to sex and sensuality.  You may not be a fully-diagnosed sex addict, but there are a few questions whose answers can be pretty revealing, like:

·         How many days can you go without sex before you start blowing up on people?

·         How many times a day do you look at porn?

·         How long can you go without masturbating?

·         How long can you stay exclusive in a sexual relationship before you get bored? Can you even do that?

·         How far does the porn you watch deviate from reality?  That is, does it represent what sex in a normal relationship look like? (don’t worry – the “porn and sexual perversion” articles are coming eventually)

·         Do you make your wife act out and dress up as things that she’s not comfortable with just so you can get off?

Based on the answers to those questions, it probably became apparent to some of you that your sexual desires are controlling you, not the other way around (here’s a hint: if you have any doubt, then this probably includes you).

So, what?  What are we supposed to do with this information?  Well, the answer to that question really is different for each person, but it starts with this: stop letting your desires control you.  The best way to start curbing those desires?  Stop taking the second look.

You see a woman whose body is bangin’?  Acknowledge it, and then move on.   You see something that makes you want to beat it?  Find something else to think about.  You want to turn your wife into something else?  Try acknowledging and appreciating what she is. 

Ultimately, lust and desire for sex and women is just materialism of a different kind.  You know what the cure for materialism is?  Appreciating what you have.  What does that look like:

·         If you’re single and don’t have anyone to have sex with, thank God that you don’t have to look after the emotional well-being of another person and are free to live an unfettered life.

·         If you’re married, appreciate that you have someone to get naked and have sex with.  And, if you both agree and consent, try something new every once in a while (ask her; you might be surprised what she says . . .)

·         If you’re a porn addict, learn to appreciate women for the complex creatures that they are, and stop looking to women who don’t care about you to fulfill your emotional needs.  You may “love” them, but they certainly don’t love you back. 

·         If you’re addicted to masturbation, be thankful that your sex drive is functioning, then stop focusing on the things that make you want to (second look, right?)  Find an outlet for all that energy, and get ready to feel free from your desires.  When you are able to fulfill yourself emotionally through other things, you will find that this desire will wane.

I’m going to say this again: I speak from more experience than I really care to talk about or remember.  In telling you these things, I’m telling you the truth, and I’m telling you what works.  We’re by no means done, but we’re at least getting started in the right direction.

So get ready for a life change for the better, as you stop letting lust and sex run your life, and you start living a life that pleases God, who gave you your body and your desires in the first place.